his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
