He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im part way to drunk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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