she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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