Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize