yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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