How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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