Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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