Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im holly from the hills drunk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
