Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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