Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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