Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
