my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
