your room smells of hookers.
And success
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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