I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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