I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
