I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
