i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
