Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
