if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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