I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
