The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
