there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
