I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am naked and annoyed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
