wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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