the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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