Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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