I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You work out of a Hotel?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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