Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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