I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
