after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
