a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
