Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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