im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
