It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
