At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
