I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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