after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
