I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Randomize
