I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
