just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
