I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
