Do you still have your period?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
