the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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