I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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