i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
