i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
