I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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