If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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