Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
