He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
