By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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