I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
