After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
