I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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