So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
