so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
