i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
