Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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