Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
