You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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