I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
