after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
