I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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