I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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