I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize