I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
