I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
