Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
