i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
